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My Stuff My Fics & Art My Anime Fav Places Fics & Art Webcomics Manga Anime Voice Actors Japanese Archives 26 Jan-25 Mar 2009 For older entries, you can work your way through my past hosts, but I moved because of problems, so by rights they should all be dead anyway! :P IftI on Portland.co.uk But against all reason, the really old entries on Pitas are all still here... 23 Oct 2003
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Friday, July 3, 2009 Once again not here for a proper entry. I just watched Equilibrium which I'd recorded ages ago out of curiosity. It's an alright film. But is it wrong that I cared a hell of a lot more if he saved the dog rather than the girl. And they just had to pick the cutest dog they could find, didn't they? After the final action sequence I was just going "show me the dog show me the dog show me the dog THE DOG'S OKAY! I'll cry again now". Oi. And is it so wrong that every dog I see on the streets these days I just want to grab it and run? (well, the cute ones anyway, i.e. if it's fluffy.) I miss having something that squirms when I grab it. Cuddly toys just don't fill that role. Xilmin visited the elves at 09:06 p.m. Thursday, July 2, 2009 I have really not been keeping this thing up to date. Too lazy though I have had various things to say. Not going to say much this time either. I'm basically here to say: I graduated today! I even feel proud about it. :) Xilmin visited the elves at 11:45 p.m. Friday, June 5, 2009 For all the congratulations and compliments I've received recently, why have I cried in bed the last couple of nights thanks to low self esteem. ::sigh:: I blame being back home. Thankfully I'm leaving tomorrow. To top it all off I had a dream last night that just compounded the low self esteem issue. I think it was supposed to be the graduation reception in the department, though I've no clue where it actually was. And my secondary school chemistry teacher was there, and he was basically saying I achieved only the lowest of the targets set before me. That a First was expected of me, but I achieved nothing else and therefore it's only an 'ok' result and no more. I can't remember exactly what happened after, but there was something to do with a flood and with my fear of water that just made me feel even better when I woke up. :( But I'm off to the hills tomorrow. Not that I'm particularly interested in climbing them. Just wandering around, staring vacantly and possibly coming up with some new ideas are my only real interests in this trip. And hopefully I'll feel better about myself when I come back, and perhaps not feel so 'unshapely' as well. My weight has gone down since exam time, but my stomach is still the same, refusing to fit comfortably into my clothes. Yay for baggy t-shirts. :S My dad should return soon with my sausage supper (mother is away for the evening so we're feeding ourselves with crap because we can!) so I'd better go. I have plans for watching a ton of Lost tonight, then need to get my stuff together and get some sleep since it's an early start tomorrow. Away I go... Until I return! Xilmin visited the elves at 06:47 p.m. Saturday, May 30, 2009 Just watched Bolt again (is the DVD out yet? cos I will buy a proper copy provided the price is reasonable). I miss my dog. Going back home on Tuesday and I really don't want to because he isn't there any more. How can I still cry this much when I let myself be reminded of him? Xilmin visited the elves at 10:40 p.m. Saturday, May 30, 2009 Copied from DeviantArt entry: I have a first class degree! It's a relief to know I didn't screw up my degree just because I couldn't bring myself to revise for exams. Somehow I got through even with large quantities of playing computer games and getting very little sleep. My brain surprises even me! =p But now I finally know my grade I suddenly feel that I can actually do something with that creative urge I've been feeling lately. Been listening to some episodes of Writing Excuses which is a really good podcast by professionals discussing what and what not to do. I found it because one of the guys on it is Brandon Sanderson, the guy doing the final Wheel of Time books. It's certainly made me think about various things. Namely that I need to stop world building, though they suggest writing something I'm not so attached to (because whatever I write now will no doubt end up complete and utter crap and need extreme editing and destroying of the original story). Not to say I'm going to follow all they're advice. Just those I want to. =p Though mainly because unless I had to remove one or all of MARP (the characters I mean: Mellenne, Aelinn, Rotrunn & Porridge) or the overriding plot that carries through each individual storyline then I am not afraid to demolish everything else. Though probably because I don't know what 'everything else' is yet. :XD: Just uploaded a map for my MARP storyline (though it's by no means the final version). Evidence of my extreme world building habits. ;) Details however... For instance all I know is there is a continent out to the west that people on the main continent aren't aware of to start with (can you say 'Americas' however that's coincidence instead of intentional [as happens with so many of my ideas]. The idea for another continent actually came from the movie Titan A.E. of all things and the west just happened to have space for it ;) ). So the shape is purely random and will probably change if I ever actually write that storyline and start moving my characters around the world (though sometimes having a rough shape to start with can help shape a character's journey). Thanks also to the Writing Excuses podcast I've also been pointed at WikidPad which is a cross between notepad and automated HTML formatting to create your own Wiki pages. I spent way too long last night typing up MARP notes (I do enjoy just typing sometimes) but I think it could really help me organise my written ramblings. So instead of just typing them up in notepad (which at least would give me the search function) I can link and copy bits and put them in the correct pages so all my character stuff or plot stuff or whatever are all in one place. If only I could just type things to start with, but I think better when I'm not at home, and if I am I think better with the computer off. Though perhaps if I got a microphone and some voice recognition software it would be better. Because my notes are invariably just me talking on paper. Here's a fantastic example: "A change from the usual Different Worlds as I don't have all the stuff with me (most of the recent stuff being on Compy) and without that there isn't really any easy way to clear up the mess I've got myself in just one chapter. So MARP it is. I was reading the huge long ramble you wrote last time and there is a lot in there. I couldn't help but notice a few things that still need clearing up..." And so I go on. You try figuring out conclusions of ramblings when I write notes like that. The thing about when I'm on the computer is 3/4 of the stuff I say (for I am talking to myself right now) I never type so I feel I lose so much of my thought processes. Just imagine how long this would be if I wrote down everything! =p Last time I tried voice recognition stuff it was a disaster, but that was many many years ago and it no doubt has improved since then. Perhaps it would be a worthwhile investment, particularly since once I start a phd I'm barely going to have time for being creative, let alone just sitting typing up ramblings for hours. On another note, the weather is fabulous so I need to get up early enough tomorrow to head on a cycle armed with my notebook and see what inspiration strikes while I'm out there. Though I must get to bed tonight and not tomorrow morning! ^^; Xilmin visited the elves at 08:12 p.m. Friday, May 29, 2009 SUCCESS! FIRST CLASS DEGREE!!! HOW? DON'T CARE! SUCCESS!!! Xilmin visited the elves at 01:07 p.m. Thursday, May 28, 2009 I just want to know what my grade is now. I want to know if I'm right to be depressed, and I really want to shoot the part of me that goes "maybe it went ok" because I can't get my hopes up. Had my 'viva' today which is the interview with the external examiner. I have no clue how they expect to put grades up since all it was was a casual talk about what I did and did not like about the mapping, lab project and the course in general. And I was as incoherent as usual with forgetting words and changing what I'm saying mid-sentence. ::sigh:: Time to play a my daily racing game on Shockwave, and then kill some Rhodoks in Mount & Blade (successfully defeated the Khergits so no more tedious chasing mounted archers... hate them so much!) Xilmin visited the elves at 02:26 p.m. Monday, May 25, 2009 As anticipated, I got selected for the viva interview. Now is this just my luck (which when it comes to these sorts of things sucks majorly) or is this a sign that I am borderline between a 2:1 and a 1st degree? I emailed the guy who sent out the emails asking what they would be looking to know, and he said at the end: "Off the record, you have done very well and have nothing to worry about!" Now I know this should be reassuring me. It does not. For technically a 2:1 is doing 'very well'. I have to have done more than just 'very well'. I just have to keep reminding myself that they don't reduce marks, they only sometimes increase them. So I can't screw this up, just make a fool of myself. Fantastic... :S In other news: Mount & Blade is officially incredibly addictive. But I can say this now: The Khergits are going down! XD They have only 2 cities left (I've taken 2 already) and 3 castles (think I've taken at least 5). So unless they declare peace soon, my army and my following entourage of lord parties will obliterate them and remove one nation out of the running for control of Calradia. Currently we're also fighting the Rhodoks so every so often I have to leave Khergit territory to break a siege of some city or castle. And they raided my village! I couldn't get there in time to save them and they raided it! The bastards! Just you wait, you're up next. And you have no mounted units (except the odd lord or caravan guard) so you ain't going to last long with me. Though admittedly the Rhodoks are the toughest footmen around with their spears and the like that give my cavalry (and I) a tougher job. They're sergeants are also really good melee fighters which complicates things, though if I'm fighting without a lord party I usually have negligible numbers of footmen anyway. Though the sieges may be more difficult with them than with the Khergits... Hmm... For a game that's technically lacking in many aspects, I can get way too drawn into it. Though I'm fighting the urge to start over with a new character, only next time I'm going to up the difficulty from the very easy setting I have it on just now. And next time I think I might join the Khergits instead of the Nords. It would be nice to fight in an army with large numbers of cavalry for a change! Though they are weak once someone's caught up to them, so it's not necessarily going to be easy... But right now I want to focus on winning with my current character. Who I think I'm mildly infatuated with. But he's so cool! XD Ok, I have not had dinner today so I should go eat something. I haven't been to the shop in... a while... so food is becoming scarce. :S Xilmin visited the elves at 12:22 a.m. Saturday, May 16, 2009 Exams are over. I am tired. Need to restore normal sleep pattern. Need to figure out how to fill my days. Plenty to do, but nothing inspires. I want to be creative but can't be bothered. Oh and Star Trek rules! Now I'm going to have dinner of some form and see if I can resist falling asleep on the couch. P.S. Originally tried to write a DeviantArt journal entry but because of a lack of coherence we decided to just ramble here... 'We'? Not again. I am not plural damn it! I need sleep! Preferably before dawn this time. :S Xilmin visited the elves at 08:33 p.m. Wednesday, May 13, 2009 My horoscope for today: "It's a great feeling when you have a lot to do and you know exactly how you are going to meet your current obligations. You are willing to work hard when there is a reason and your efforts now are more than likely to be justly rewarded. But looking for the payoff before you finish is not a smart idea and could get in the way of your success. Maintaining a healthy sense of realism should help you reach your goals." Oh how appropriate. Well, the second half anyway. Realism, eh? Most decidedly lost that already tonight. Lost that a long time ago actually. I'm not even half way through the lectures. The last one was confusing since I can't get my head to cope with Fe2+ and Fe3+ and which is soluble, let alone the consequences of such. Next lecture is on the ozone so that shouldn't be too complicated. I just keep imagining what it's going to feel like after the exam is over and that is not helping me get any work done. Provided I don't end up with yet another bout of 'post-exam depression' which is just dumb but I seem to get it every time. Though this time it's potentially 'post-Uni depression'. It's just the emptiness that comes from getting through a difficult and demanding time in your life and coming out the other side with seemingly nothing to show for your efforts. Ok, technically I get grades and a degree from exams and Uni in general but to me that is not a worthwhile result... You know this is the reason I end up questioning my choice in career, but I know nothing in life will satisfy so I may as well do something demanding of my abilities to distract me from the emptiness inside... I say these things but right now I'm laughing! Stress laugh? Over-caffeinated laugh? ::shrugs:: This certainly seems to be a new approach to exams, though I had something similar last exam time. Take nothing seriously. Ignore the passage of time. And screw up your internal systems in the process. I think I may sleep for a week after this... If I'm not gaming like crazy and postponing even more sleep! Anyway I should get back to it. After I've made my summary notes I'm going to have to go through everything again, if not 2 times to be sure I have at least a rough grasp of the stuff. ::sigh:: Xilmin visited the elves at 03:29 a.m. Tuesday, May 12, 2009 Just one more exam tomorrow. Just one more! Of course this is me only now getting some revision for it done. I've gone over one lecture so far and I'm already fed up with it... No sleep for me tonight... again. Maybe a short hour or half hour doze before getting breakfast like I've done for all previous exams... Just one more! and then perhaps I can start taking care of myself properly... and do things like lose the half-stone I've put on in the past month, or get bras I don't overflow. One or the other at least, but probably both. Every time I put on weight my chest gets bigger but when I lose the weight the chest gets no smaller. That's not a good trend. :S Yeah... exam... studying... just one more! Xilmin visited the elves at 11:56 p.m. Monday, May 11, 2009 Just how good am I? Really? It's a real test in tomorrow's exam (and perhaps more so in Wednesdays) for I have done NOTHING since my last exams. Of course I've been blatantly lying to my parents about this fact. Because I've just been playing games. Or rather a specific game. Because I was having that weekend off I thought I'd mess about and try out some demos for some games I was interested in. I got too interested in one. Paid for the full thing and haven't stopped playing since. It's called Mount & Blade, half RPG, half strategy. So part of the time you've got the 'country' view with cities and armies all colour coded similar to stuff like Civilisation. But visit a city, or fight another army and you're in 3rd (or 1st) person view swinging weapons around and galloping about the place on a horse. Tactics are a big feature. Admittedly the difficulty is fairly low (by default), but thanks to a few basic commands at the start of a battle, like keeping my cavalry from running ahead, I can win vastly outnumbered battles... provided they don't have too many enemy cavalry. I'm still trying to figure out the best tactic to keep cavalry away from my infantry. Which is rather important since the nation I'm allied with has recently declared war against a dominantly horse-riding nation. The nation we were (and still are) fighting prior to them had some horsemen but dominantly armies had a load of crossbowmen who my cavalry (and I) could mow down very quickly. Of course I would ally myself with the one nation with no cavalry. I just recruit from any village that likes me enough regardless of nation. Is it any wonder my allies were struggling at the beginning of the game, though they were also fighting 3 nations at that time as well. Now though (with help from me obviously) we've taken 2 enemy cities and I was given one to own for myself. I feel so proud! From that ramble it's pretty clear I've gotten way too into the game, but it develops so much over time. You start on your own with barely any money, crap equipment and effectively non-existent skills. Now I can have an army of 80-or-so, barely think about money since I seem to be accumulating it without even trying, have pretty decent equipment gathered purely from loot of my enemies, and I'm... well, getting better is all I can really say on the skills things. I've got to the point where it takes ages to gain an extra level and allow me to increase my stats. Which is really annoying since I need to increase my horse archery stuff for the cavalry battles. It's just infuriating galloping after an enemy for ages until you reach the 'invisible wall' at the edge of the battlefield. I can cause about 15 points damage with archery if I'm lucky but I usually hit the horse and it takes a lot to bring a horse down. I used to use a crossbow but that took forever to reload. I'll get it eventually. It's just the game isn't forgiving when it comes to combat. Regardless of your skill level, if your direction is off even slightly so that the arrow misses on screen, you officially missed. Same with melee stuff. Number of times I've been off by a tiny bit (particularly with overhead attacks) and then get hit myself before I think to defend. It comes back to the tactics thing. If you play well then you can do great things. But only if you play well. There are a couple of moments that stick in my mind. One was early on when I'd recruited someone for the first time and I felt some sort of loyalty to the guy (despite the fact his only name was 'Nord Recruit' [You do get named characters who you can recruit though, and they never die, just get knocked unconscious like you]). Anyway we were attacked by a group of sea-raiders and were vastly outnumbered. It happened that the recruit was knocked unconscious and not killed so when I eventually got hit down as well we were both taken captive. I escaped but he didn't, so I went back for him... Only to realise they had also stolen my sword. I still had a crossbow so I did my best with that, but again I was captured, escaped, minus the crossbow. I had barely any money so after checking out a shop realised the best I could buy was... a stick. So I took it and found the sea-raider party again, and attacked. I believe there were still 6 left at that point, and there was me (on my horse admittedly) armed with a stick. There was much galloping around but eventually I got them all without getting knocked again myself and saved my guy! ... Who died somewhere along the way when I started to lose track of who was in my army. The other moment was in an arena battle where you appear with a computer-selected weapon, minus all armour. This one time I appeared with a cross-bow and sword. But I was up against someone on a horse. So I took that opportunity to do what a hundred crossbowmen had done to me and waited until he was almost on top of me then fired the crossbow. He doubled up and failed to hit me, ended up galloping into the wall and I swiftly brought him down with my sword. Such a fantastic feeling to get a little revenge. The crossbowmen still do it to me, though I am learning if I swerve side to side as I approach that usually causes him to miss and I can hit when he's trying to reload... provided he doesn't bend down too much to do so and I miss. ... God damn it the game is too involving! I blame the computer's AI! Technically it's such that you don't even need to do anything really. You could just leave the game running and see what the computer gets up to. And while I have lost most of that initial attachment to my random men in the army, I do still feel a sense of camaraderie with them, as absurd as that is. But I find myself saying things like "Nice work guys!" after a 'team' effort of taking down a difficult opponent. Or if I see one of my men get killed or knocked out I get all defensive, cry "You bastard!" and start chasing that one enemy instead of attacking whoever is nearest/easiest. In addition to the anonymous army members, there are also other 'heroes' who appear in taverns around the land and I've recruited several into my army. Firentis... ::realises something:: ... Firentis (think that's how you spell it) was the first named member I recruited and I've kept him around with me... Only recently one of the lords asked to 'borrow' him... And that lord has been captured. Now I'm worried about what happened to Firentis. I let another named character Bartuk (or something) leave my company when I wanted a smaller army and it took forever for me to come across him again. I hope Firentis hasn't been captured as well since I'd have to find the army to fight and get him back, or if he escaped it'll take another age to stumble across him again. I do hope he's ok! ... Who needs multiplayer games?! XD Ok, seriously. I have an exam tomorrow! ::sigh:: Least I have the notes for this one made up (or at least for half of the lectures since I wasn't going to bother with the others) but that's still a lot of pages worth of stuff to cram in one night... in the next 7 hours actually. Ah, yes, saying it like that almost makes me worried enough to do something about it. Almost, but not quite. I just don't care any more. I really really don't!!! P.S. My wrist throbs a little from the amount of gaming I've been doing. I suppose that's what happens when I play for 12+ hours straight repeatedly. I think, although I can't really remember since my memory of time is all kinda blurry, but I think I actually played for 24 hours straight at some point. :S I should probably get one of those squidgy mouse pads, if I didn't get more intense pain when I use the one my mum has at her computer back home... That and it might prevent my mouse gliding as beautifully as it does. XD Xilmin visited the elves at 12:24 a.m. Friday, May 1, 2009 Well the 'first round' of exams are over, as it were. I've got over a week to deal with the next two but least those are specific topics and shouldn't be so daunting or difficult to revise for. So how do I think I did? Practical: Do not ask! Bad for everyone, but I wasn't expecting much there anyway since I always suck with practical stuff. Major Earth Processes: Had to focus on only 4 out of about 9 topics just because it was so demanding and varied, but thankfully it was enough to let me ramble on enough questions in the exam, though annoyingly I didn't get a chance to finish the last sentence! Geophysics: Maths! Got guaranteed 50% in the first 10 minutes then spent the other 50 minutes searching my brain for how to estimate graph peaks. I only made 3 mistakes that I'm aware of (and technically 2 of those was from using the same wrong number twice so it may not count more than once). But yeah if that isn't an A then I deserve to be shot. Portfolio Essay: Where they could ask anything! Went in there anticipating answering something on climate, isotopes, tectonics or landscape... None of the above (though admittedly potential questions were there). I went with modelling. The fact that I filled all but the last 10 minutes writing about it shows that I seemed to know a fair bit and that's a bloody good thing since that's what my phd will be (provided the exam results are good to me). I'm a little unsure whether I went a little too... critical of how researchers design models to suit their desired results. I always try and keep personal opinion out of my essays but perhaps a little doesn't hurt... But yeah I think it went ok considering... I have not been sleeping. My internal clock is officially screwed up. I'm surviving on the residual traces of caffeine just now. Before Major Earth & Geophysics (which were on the same day by the way) I did not sleep all night with intermittent couple-hour stints at studying through the night and morning with a brief non-sleeping half-hour in bed before getting ready to leave. When I got back accidentally slept on the settee for a couple of hours and had a late dinner then went to bed and slept for 15 hours. Did bugger all revision that day for the following day's Portfolio Essay exam until 4 in the morning which only lasted an hour or two before I needed food. Did a little bit more work before yet another half-hour not sleeping in bed to restore a little energy then left. It is official: staying up all night then sleeping for a day & a half then staying up again does not leave one feeling particularly good. But I am having the weekend off so I can catch up on some sleep and perhaps deal with a few things around the flat (like dishes, and little jobs like perhaps fixing the speaker connection in the back of my hi-fi with yet another stint of improvised metal plate connections and blue-tac). But above all plenty of 'official' fun time. Perhaps could do something other than games or TV, even read or try a little art again. Maybe even go outside, though that might be pushing it. So tired but another part of me says "Who needs sleep? We haven't needed sleep up 'til now! Let's have some fun! Game!" I wish to shoot that part of me. >( Xilmin visited the elves at 07:45 p.m. Saturday, April 25, 2009 This just made my day: Cat versus Printer. The sound effects just make it all the more epic and the ending nearly killed me with the laughter! I can't even get to see the very last second because every time I watch it I automatically fling my head back in a full blown cackle! Can't stop the reflex! XD And now back to the work that I meant to finish 2 days ago. :S Xilmin visited the elves at 09:00 p.m. Monday, April 20, 2009 Bionic penguins!!! Though the guy does seem to refer to penguins as 'fish' at one point...? Ok, the video gets kinda dull after that, though there is an interactive wall later on that would be so cool! I think it would go well with this flat. Anyway I have done barely any work all day (and yesterday) despite myself saying I'd cover the important parts of Major Earth Processes this weekend. So I'm going to have to pull an all-nighter. What is it that's distracting me now? 'Track Mania' I believe it is called. The best racing game since Star Wars Racer as far as I'm concerned only this can connect online and lets me race real people. As usual I get obsessive about 'doing better', though the normal online setting is such that a track lasts about 5 minutes and then the rank is based on who got the best lap during that time. I've won a couple of times. The last time was fabulous because I just flew through the end a few seconds before timeout and the previous number 1 went 'Bastard!'. Mwahaha! But yeah that was luck. Felt real good though! XD But yeah it's a bit too exhilarating. My hand aches and I'm all jittery. But in a lot of races if you ain't going top speed then you ain't gonna make it. My favourite races are those that involve defying gravity by wall-driving, loops and tunnels you have to spin through. So disorientating but so good if you make it. And it's certainly 'interesting' when you don't, spinning off into oblivion! And to top off the fun of the tracks I'm also stupidly proud of my car design that I made. Black and purple with a crescent moon on the front, though admittedly it does look black and pink when it's bright. Still no one has a car like it! Mine! Another thing I 'wasted time' on today was watching Behind Enemy Lines. I've been wanting to see it again for ages and I've been looking for the dvd every so often but never seen it. Was so happy so see it on TV! I remember being so impressed with it after seeing it for the first time (which happened to be in the bowels of the ferry to Norway). Second time around there were a few plot holes that annoyed me (like how the guy had time to get the missiles ready when he heard the jet fighter, by which point it should have already gone past him!). I also have no clue about the political situation since I know nothing about recent events (or any historical events for that matter) but can't say it made much difference. It is definitely a good movie. ... Where the smeg are these midget flies coming from? I keep mooshing them but another appears! ... Bugs are beginning to infest this place bit more than normal. Well, I'm finding a few a week, while before it was only a few per month. Once the exams over I will actually clean and hopefully be rid of them. Though the demon bugs I find tend to already be half dead anyway. I quite often find them upside-down. But I don't know what it is, but I can't bring myself to crush them (some fear of repercussion of some sort), so I just flush 'em down the loo, along with their demon larvae though I see a lot less of those. Which is more cruel than any other death anyway since they are floating around for a while as I currently live by the philosophy of "If it's yellow, let it mellow; if it's brown flush it down." I live on my own so what does it matter? Saves water, and I'm all for anything that helps the environment! XD Though that said I want to know why there only seems to be one spider living in this flat. I suppose the others may just be very good at hiding but it would reassure me to know these bugs have predators. The spider must be well fed anyway. :) Enough ranting. Time to get on with things... Oh boy... It's going to be a long night... I really wish my eye would stop twitching!!! Xilmin visited the elves at 02:27 a.m. Thursday, April 16, 2009 It's been nearly a week now and I've done nothing. I wrote a line just there and got distracted by my music and felt the need to rant a little about it. I would have started working earlier if it hadn't been for an issue with Amazon. I decided to buy some mp3 downloads since I really wanted to get the Children of Dune soundtrack (never seen it, and hated the first Dune book but I had one track from it anyway and adored it). Also decided to finally buy some of the music I've been streaming a lot lately (one Threshold and one Nightwish album) since I do feel rather guilty getting the music for free. Though I was rather miffed that there were no Van Canto albums. :S But anyway I had an issue with ordering where my card was rejected. Phoned Amazon who claimed it was the Bank's fault. The Bank said it was Amazon and I phoned them back only the second time I was speaking with some foreign guy instead of the British woman I had before and he didn't really get what I was saying. Thankfully when I ordered again it worked (though I've no clue what the difference was). But yeah that was frustrating! I'm glad I downloaded the soundtrack though. It is fabulous. Like a mix of Gladiator, Pirates of the Caribbean and Battlestar Galactica. But what I really wanted to rant about it the fact that a track from the soundtrack was used in the new Star Trek trailer! I was feeling a bit dubious about how 'modernised' the movie looks (considering it's a prequel to the original series) but the fantastic music in the trailer got me all excited about it. Now I discover that the music isn't even from the movie. Reassuring. :S Apparently this composer's music has been used in a number of trailers for which he did not write the movie soundtracks for, including Narnia. But yeah that fact itself proves how good this guy is. What's worrying though is the guy apparently wrote the soundtrack to the Dragonball movie. Hmmm... :S Ok, now I really need to focus on work. Seriously! Xilmin visited the elves at 09:53 p.m. Tuesday, April 14, 2009
personality test by similarminds.com introverted, irritable, feels invisible, observer, depressed, does not enjoy leadership, reveals little about self, dislikes large parties, feels undesirable, does not like to stand out, submissive, suspicious, emotionally sensitive, not a thrill seeker, solitude loving, likes silence, fragile, second guesses self, negative, unadventurous, fearful, weird, focuses on people's hidden motives, paranoid, phobic, dependent, cautious, avoidant, semi intellectual You would think there would be at least one word in that that was flattering. But no. It's all "You suck! You do! You really really do!" And 'semi-intellectual'? Hey, that's just rude! Still trying to build myself up to do some work. Gave myself 4 hours sleep then dragged myself out of bed again. I feel like crap but I know a good night's sleep would not make any difference to how much I want to work. If anything I'm worse since I get excited about doing fun stuff then. Whereas as least when I feel like crap I don't find enjoyment in anything. I'm just a big ball of joy right now... Grrr... Xilmin visited the elves at 11:27 a.m. Tuesday, April 14, 2009 It is half 4 and I am contemplating what exactly to do now. I have done nothing for 2 days and I still don't care enough to do anything about that. I have exams! Don't I care? Not enough! Clearly! Xilmin visited the elves at 04:31 a.m. Wednesday, April 8, 2009 Why does my stomach hate me so much? And why when my stomach is imploding do I feel the need to eat even more than normal? Eugh! P.S. Turning the computer off is most definitely beneficial towards getting work done. However I was buzzing with the new caffeine drink I tried and ended up singing opera along with my hi-fi at almost full volume. The people downstairs hate me! XD Edit: Got distracted by looking up Wiki for some indication of my actual vocal range. Tried out a few notes from the keyboard and though I normally consider myself an Alto apparently that isn't exactly the right term and I should call myself a Contralto. I can hit higher notes if I make my voice louder but then it's more squealing that anything else. ;) Not that I shall ever stop trying to sing along to soprano since it's too much fun! Those high notes are just... XD Is my voice that low though? Wiki gives the impression that the range is unusual. Or maybe it just means there aren't many contralto parts in opera. Though I definitely feel more comfortable when I'm singing along to music with male singers (ok sometimes I might be an octave up without really noticing... With Runrig I notice it a lot. Can never stay in the same octave for longer than a couple of lines!). On that note though I don't really like opera. Most gets on my nerves. There are just certain pieces I do. Such as the Lucia di Lammermoor piece used in The Fifth Element. Though the ending of the proper classical piece is my favourite part. Which was what got me all worked up this afternoon. The excitement! The drama! No clue what the actual plot is but I like it! XD Edit number 2: I feel I have to say this: Singing is a private affair for me and I seriously dislike doing it unless I'm being drowned out by the music I'm singing along with. (Because I don't want to have to admit that maybe I can't actually sing! XD ) Xilmin visited the elves at 08:53 p.m. Tuesday, April 7, 2009 My horoscope mocks me: "Even the very best of intentions about doing your job today will probably be met with a bit of discouragement. There is so much going on that it's difficult for you to stay focused on the narrow range of activities directly related to your productivity. Cut yourself some slack and give yourself permission to take time away from the grind. A short walk, meditation or nap may be all that's needed to refresh you for another round of concentrated effort." Oi! I need my work done damn it! Just returned from Morrisons (since I figured I'd save as much on the subway ticket to Partick as I would spend in the Co-op here in Govan). £35!!! Ok, I treated myself to 'emergency supplies' and 'study aids' (namely candy and caffeinated drinks) along with other treats such as tinned fruit for puddings. And I got proper brand stuff like Alpen (£3+ for cereal that lasts about a week) because Morrisons stuff wasn't up to my standards. But still it's a lot of money. I guess I haven't bought my own food shopping for quite a while so it's not too bad. :S Anyway it is lunch time and I have done very little work today so far. I ignored my alarm and slept in which did not help. Argh... Xilmin visited the elves at 02:40 p.m. Monday, April 6, 2009 A teaser for Assassin's Creed 2 has been released... And it gives absolutely no indication what the game is going to be like. At most it confirms the rumours of the rough time-setting as it features Leonardo da Vinci-style drawings. And no release date yet. Of course. I want to hate Ubisoft because of the whole Prince-of-Persia-Epilogue-not-being-for-PC thing, but I can't because they are making this. And we all know I'm going to buy Prince of Persia 2 when it comes out. At least I think there is going to be one, though I've only read of it from random people on forums. Here's to hoping they at least have a video of what happened in the Epilogue when (if) it does come out... Or I shall be forced to watch the thing on YouTube and that's just depressing. Anyway today I worked! Went over 2nd year's Geophysics notes and read over some of the photocopied pages of the textbook from last semester's Geophysics lectures. I hope to get the majority of Geophysics covered tomorrow. If I can give the basic topics about 2 days each then that gives me plenty of time for general revision of other topics in preparation for Major Earth Processes exam and the general essay exam which can ask anything from the past 4 years. Sure there are a lot of choices for questions, but it's still a really evil exam! But I have a headache. Time for supper... Not that there is anything in the way of 'supper' food left in this flat. I can still barely walk after that hill climb (my legs really hate me for it!) so I've only briefly ventured out since for a bottle of milk and that was cruel getting up and down the flat stairs. Maybe I'll manage it tomorrow. I need fruit. And raisons. In other words I need foods that affect my digestive system since my stomach has been going berserk all day (did not help with concentrating on work!). What to eat now? Tracker bars? There's only a couple left. :S Xilmin visited the elves at 10:35 p.m. Sunday, April 5, 2009 Copied from Deviant Art: I have finally (FINALLY!) made the decision of what I'm going to do for the next 3 years of my life! I shall be in London using mathematics to make theories on the core of Mercury in UCL! ... Provided I don't mess up these exams... And that will mean I will have to study eventually... I could rant about the hill I climbed on Friday (or the pain I'm in now because of it) but I can't think straight right now. I made my decision... but now I just feel so scared! ::whimper:: Xilmin visited the elves at 06:20 p.m. Thursday, April 2, 2009 Still not worked! I just end up throwing tantrums at my desk and then going 'SCREW IT!' I'm also getting pestered for making a decision about the phd stuff. I guess I have taken enough days to not think about it so I can think clearly... so in my head I say if I make a phd decision then maybe I can not work today. Tomorrow I'm off to climb a hill and perhaps after that I will return with a better mind for studying. But right now, because I am confident that I can learn the work, I don't see the point in doing it right this minute when there are more fun things to do. I need panic. I need insecurity. Phd stuff. 2 choices: UCL = modelling of the core of Mercury, Open University = lab work analysing the oldest material in the solar system with potential modelling. My initial decision would be UCL. Mercury is more appealing to me just because planets in general are more interesting to me. And the fact that it's modelling, it's pure maths as well which to me makes me excited rather than nervous (the way lab work does), probably because if things go wrong then least it's just numbers rather than screwing up samples. BUT! OU project does involve lab project and they said they could take the results and put them into models. So I'd get both sides if I took that project. By gaining experience in using equipment it also makes me more appealing for later employment. Then you could argue the location difference. Both are in the south so far from any wilderness regardless. London is busy, but Milton Keynes, while good with green spaces and cycle routes, just didn't seem to have a 'soul'. Ok, I only saw what there was from the main roads between the university and the train station, but it was hardly inspiring. Whereas London has culture. I may not be interested in that in general, but for inspiration for my own creativity it is good. But I was told Milton Keynes is only 40 minutes away from London so if I really wanted to go there I could. Yes London is more expensive but the money I get reflects that and so I shouldn't be much worse off. Okay a place in London would be smaller but I'm going to have to share either way since there is no way I can afford my own place. The people I'd be working with... I only had a brief talk with the supervisor at UCL but she was nice enough, helpful. At the OU much the same. I didn't get a chance to see much of the department at UCL but the building itself took my breath away. The OU was a series of glass bricks, though inside it was pretty standard. Of course at the OU there is no undergrad population. That is different. It was certainly quieter but it means there are none of the usual student facilities, and apparently the entire place shuts down in the early evening. Which sucks since I think I only wake up in the late afternoon. And instead of demonstrating in labs they send postgrads away from a week or two to help out in other schools. Which quite frankly seems even more terrifying. But then again apparently I could take any course at the OU for free (I'm fairly sure I heard that right), which is certainly appealing. Perhaps a language or creative writing course. All of that is fair enough, but really it's the project that should be the deciding factor. I get excited at the prospect of Mercury. Whereas my practical side says the OU is better for including lab work. But should I go with what excites me, with what will more likely keep my interest in times of difficulty. Or should I go with what in a practical sense may be more beneficial for my career. How do I pick? What I want to do or what I should do? ... I DON'T KNOW!!! Xilmin visited the elves at 03:08 p.m. Tuesday, March 31, 2009 Just got prescribed a new antibiotic. This because the last time the doctor told me to double the old one and I haven't seen an improvement to my skin. I'm probably one of the few people that actually bother to read the leaflet that comes with medicine... and I wish I didn't. They scare me! Doesn't help that the pills are packed weird. Vacuum packed 4-to-1 sachet things. The box they come in is massive! I can't help but think some disaster will occur should too many be confined to a small space. :S I adore the beginning of The Rolling Stones' 'She's a Rainbow'. It instantly makes me think of this advert. Rabbits! Plasticine rabbits!!! ... Want! XD Speaking of rabbits, I saw one just as I was leaving the train station in Milton Keynes to go to the Open University. It filled me with a sense of well-being, which was good because I was stressing out and my stomach hated me! Whenever I see a rabbit a little voice in my head goes: BUNNY!!! and everything is thereafter good in the world. I want a rabbit! Serious thoughts... serious thoughts... I got accepted for the Open University! It would have been a simple decision between them and UCL if they hadn't said they could steer the project towards modelling if I wanted it... I don't want to discuss it just now. I'm clearing my head of the whole thing for a bit. However this head clearing is proving to be detrimental to other things: namely revision. The rock practical is on the 22nd. My first (and second) exam are on the 29th. I really don't have the time to piss about... but what do I do? Piss about! I'm just enjoying doing bugger all all too much. It's bliss, but it's too much bliss. I do need to work, I do but WHY CAN'T I MAKE MYSELF!?! ... there aren't enough hours in the day... there aren't enough days in the year... Xilmin visited the elves at 12:33 p.m. Saturday, March 28, 2009 Just a quick entry mostly to comment on the new 'widget' I've added at the bottom on the right hand side. It's counting down the projected release date of the final (12th) Wheel of Time book. I may only be on the 9th book just now but I'm trying to pace myself so I don't run out too soon and end up forgetting stuff (which I inevitably do every time I stop reading for any length of time). It's hard enough remembering everything while in the middle of it! Only I really want to read it right now... I might just have to. Was working on a little Prince of Persia artwork earlier. Haven't even played Morrowind today! Was playing it yesterday (I'm getting an estate built on Solstheim! Can't wait to see it!), despite a major headache. When I relent and actually take painkillers then it's obvious it's bad. Thought I'd better have another day off to ensure I'm not pushing myself too hard, otherwise I would have started revision stuff today. Was going to start tomorrow but my mum is insisting that I go out. She's taking me to see The International. ::shrug:: It's the only thing either of us are willing to see that the other doesn't turn her nose up at. I suppose it could be good. I don't really know much about it except for a short clip I've seen. It looks Bond-like. Bah, I need to have an early night anyway and if I start anything else I'm going to stay up late again. Wheel of Time it is... though no doubt I'll get dragged into that as well and forget the time anyway... Xilmin visited the elves at 09:39 p.m. |
Basics Name: Xilmin Nerrar (might as well be when I'm on the net ;) ) Favs Food: Ketchup (or anything with ketchup! [I mean anything])
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